May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
