Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
