It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
