My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
babies were throwing up all over the place
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
