I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
