he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
