you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
