Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize