Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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