I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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