Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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