He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize