she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
