so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
