i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
