pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
