to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There are leaves in my underwear?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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