You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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