Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
