I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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