R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
