Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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