i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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