VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
