You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
