You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
