12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found your dick twin last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
