you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
