My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
