we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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