you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
