ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
