Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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