never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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