he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
