Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
