While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
