fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When are your genitals available?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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