I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
