come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize