I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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