I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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