Swine flu is the new snow day.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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