There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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