just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
