we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just forgot I was standing up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
