Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize