Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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