Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
