I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
