Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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