Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
