Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
