??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
