Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
