I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this beer tastes like vomit already
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
