hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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