I will die if light touches me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
