I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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