Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize