At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
