I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize