From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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