omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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