I showed him my bush... on skype.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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