i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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