I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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