I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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