forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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