Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
