Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
