i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
