Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come share oat with me in your robe
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