I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize