I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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