Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
