Sry I called you an 8
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize