He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize