thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
