She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
