I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
