So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
