you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
