Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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