im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
