Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
