On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
